thoughts

Just the thought…

If there was only one it would be so much easier. But instead, I am raked back by constant bombardment of thoughts and emotions that crash down in such swells that I am convinced I will crumble and erode away into some cavernous abyss where I will ultimately be labyrinth-ly lost.

The thoughts, they race, they are not competing but merely swirling and stewing in the cauldron of my mind… that I apparently left over the fire too long and now everything is this unidentifiable mush that looks like something that may or may not have carrots and potatoes in it.

Am a caught off guard by the magnitude of what I am feeling.

Because I have no way to approach, organize or even process them. The feelings rise up behind my eyes and burn. In the way only true things do burn from with in.

And instead of going with my instincts and trusting what nearly every fiber of my being is telling me. I cross-reference it… try to compartmentalize it and truss it up to be something else… anything else than what I know it might be.

And I know, that’s wrong. I know that that is not the right thing to do. I know where that puts me… smack in the middle of nonsensical circular logic.

But at the same time, how do you ignore something or even just accept something that is setting off so many DIFFERENT alarms. It’s like, even when the smoke detector goes off, you sniff for smoke, even if you know its just the cheese in the bottom of the oven, that has flaked off from the dozens of pizzas you made, burning, and re-burning. YOU KNOW it’s not a fire, you know its pizza. But you still double check.
And you are totally reassured that yes, yes, that is pizza in the oven… and damn, I am ready for some pizza.