I don't really know how else to say this... you bored me.
And you managed to do it in such a way that it came across as safe, instead of insanely dull. I guess, I am the only one I can fault for this act. I let myself be coerced by you into thinking YOU somehow were the one I "needed" instead of myself or my friends or my family.
Shame on you.
And from that point on, in the words of New Found Glory, its all down hill from here. I mean from that point on I was constantly convincing myself that "need you". And well, frankly, I didn't and seriously don't.
I need me. I need to be me. And by letting you forcefully make me ignore all the screaming alarms in my head... I was not being me. And that is one of the cardinal sins of the Church of Stacy (always be thy self).
There were other things too... I don't want to get into those, because the way YOU got in the way of me being ME, i could fill novels with.
See, I think YOU thought you were doing a good thing. "Being there for me," but, really, I didn't ask you to be there for me. I didn't have to. You did that to yourself by an all-day-every-day barrage of calls and text messages. No one needs that much communication with anyone.
Now, you say you don't do this. I have enough info saved on my phone to prove that wrong. I was to the point where I could not look at my phone and not want to pray a semi ran it over after I tossed it against the wall.
Sure, communication is key in ANY relationship. But the constant checking up (oh yes, I said it) and wanting to know EVERYTHING from so far away... is insanity. It drove me to the point where the only way I thought I could effectively communicate with you was with a steady string of expletives and yelling like a lunatic. And that simply is not me. That has never been me. And the fact that YOU drove me to that... says a whole lot about you.
I am sure as you read this you wonder, why didn't she tell me. I did tell you. I asked politely. I told you nicely. Ultimately, you chose to ignore and completely disrespect the simple yet finite boundries I gave you. "Please do not call or text me." It is that simple. Do Not, simply means don't-fucking-do-it.
Oh sure, I was out of line, maybe, with the one ended ultimatum of "If you do not respect this we are done." But, seeing is how you ignored that and continued to message me and make attempts to talk to me I was clearly right. You needed such a boundary to really test you ability to follow simple English instructions, I think my dog could understand that command "No more barking"... kinda the same thing.
At the end of it all, with you torturing yourself with the string of questions about my life... did you find that helpful? Do you sleep better at night? Or do you lie awake dreaming of the day you can weasel your way back into my vicinity? Hoping you can charm your way back to me? Because you certainly can't afford to buy it back, and personality only gets you so far in some instances.
So, in case it is STILL unclear for you: in order for me to be me, I have to be completely without you.
